Here We Go Again! Sarcasim

so here i am in Yonkers, i figured it was time for an update on my blog about my doings. I tried and i guess i believe i failed myself yet again, I just don't get it anymore i try and try and yet no positive outcome. what am i doing wrong i ask myself repeatedly and i still don't know, gosh i feel like a failure and its depressing. All i want is that shot that chance that allows me to have hope. I feel my life as if i am trying to climb a brick wall and my nails are getting flicked of my flesh can you picture that, i sure can and that's how my life has been and soon it will be to the bone. i got a cal to do my book over and over again about my life and guess what i had a job and i was going to go through with it and i was so zealous about the idea and after all it was just an "idea". i had to move due to unexpected reasons to a different borough of New York City and with that i quit my job, i was under the assumption i was going to do much better over where i am and nothing has changed i'am still in the same predicament as before just in a more stable environment but with obligation to be a slave in return for food in my stomach and a roof over my head. That feeling of owing something to someone because they offered to help, i love how a favor suddenly turns into "you owe me". I am not just an average joe, there is nothing mediocre about me and I have a story to tell and god damn it i want to tell it.

Aiming for success but ambition is there but no thrive i hear people say there ambitious and they have thrive and some compare ambition to thrive or thirst but those are no where near the same things, if i am saying i have ambition that doesn't mean i have thrive or i could be contradicting myself? Am i a walking contradiction? Or just confused as to what it is i should be doing, i guess that's years of neglect and abuse. I am aiming for success like i said before with a stable home for myself provided by myself and no worries, just on bills and taxes.